Thirteen and a Half
by Joy Kathlyn
Summary: Written for the International Wizarding School Championship. All Dolores Umbridge wants to do is teach History in peace. Apparently that's not happening. Well, at least the supposed curse on the position is just a myth, after all magic isn't real. Now, all she needs to do is not have a mental breakdown courtesy of Potter. Muggle AU.


Written for the International Wizarding School Championship

School: Ilvermorny

Year: 1

Theme: Highschool Muggles AU

Main Prompt: Teacher [Job]

Additional Prompt: Professor Umbridge [Character]

Word Count: 1,818

I own nothing you recognize.

* * *

It took Dolores Umbridge exactly thirteen and a half seconds to decide that she didn't like Harry Potter and his band of miscreants. It had taken thirteen and a half seconds after the bell had rung for the curly-haired girl to raise her hand, and thirteen and a half seconds for Potter and his redheaded friend to begin whispering to each other, ignoring her completely. She could tell already that this year was going to be difficult.

As the class continued, the three teens kept up their antics. When she passed out her syllabus, the girl, Miss Granger whose name had been shouted at her the second she had called on the teenager, read it over and began insulting her lesson plans. As soon as she handed out the textbook, Potter shoved it in his bag without even glancing at the title! She had worked hard to write the lesson plan and pick the textbook!

Her boss had been right. Superintendent Fudge had told her that this group of students would be hard to teach, with a long line of incompetent teachers that hardly lasted the year. He had warned her, tried to convince her to stay working directly for him! But, no she couldn't listen! The minute she heard the gossip that the Hogwarts School was unable to find a History teacher for the upcoming school year, she went right to the Superintendent and asked if she could be put into the job. She had been persistent, pleased to help her old school. If she was the only teacher with history credentials in the school district willing to take the job, then so be it! The position couldn't really be cursed like the children said, after all, magic didn't exist.

She was bound to be fine, if these children didn't drive her to insanity first.

She sighed. "Alright everyone, please read over the syllabus quietly, and when you are done you may look over your textbook. We will be silent until the end of class." There were a series of groans in response to her statement, some of the students, Potter and his red-haired friend included, pulled faces at her, clearly resistant. "If you do not do so and stay quiet while doing so, I will assign you a detention." At that, most of the class bent over the sheets of paper she handed out and at least pretended to read. Potter did not do so, continuing to scowl at her. She decided to give him a chance. Dolores walked around her desk and picked up her own copy of the textbook. She still had to decide which chapters to assign in the last section.

Half-an-hour passed. Gradually, whispers began to echo through the room. She peeked over the rim of her book to find the source of the noise. Potter and the redhead had completely discarded the textbook, and chatted away while Granger glared at them indignantly. She stood and walked down to the desk where they were sitting.

"What is your name?" She asked the red-haired boy.

He looked up at her, clearly annoyed at the interruption. "Ron Weasley." Dolores had worked with his father once or twice. From what she had heard, the man had many, many children. She wondered if there were any other Weasleys currently in school.

"Well , I recall asking everyone to stay silent for the remainder of class. Do you or mind telling me why why you think you are exempt from this?" She fixed the two of them with a glare. They looked back at her blankly. She could feel the stares of the rest of the class on them.

The brown-haired girl piped up. "I think that they were discussing the syllabus, Ma'am."

"I did not ask you Miss Granger. I asked them, and expect them to answer." Dolores never took her eyes off the two teenage boys. They looked panicked. "Well? Are you going to tell me?" She of course, already knew why. The Chemistry teacher, had given her a tour around the school when she had first arrived and had told her all about the students she would be teaching. From the way he told it, Potter was an absolute monster, constantly flaunting the rules and distracting the class. He was the one to watch out for, the man had told her, Potter would ruin her class in no time.

Neither of the boys was answering her. "Well, I guess you'll both be reporting to this classroom after school for detention." She thought for a moment. "You too, Miss Granger."

"Why?" The girl screeched.

"You answered a question that wasn't posed to you. If you do that during class no one will learn anything, and we can't have that, now can we." The class bore a feeling of shock as Dolores strolled back up to her desk. "Now, there are five minutes left of class, and I expect _everyone_ to follow the directions this time up until the bell rings."

* * *

She left the teacher's lounge early that afternoon, to set up for the detentions she was hosting. There had been three more Weasleys to pass through her classroom that day. Two had also earned a detention. The Weasley twins had almost set off some indoor fireworks in class before the noise had alerted her to their actions. No one else had gotten a detention that day, and that seemed to her like only this group would have any trouble with her.

Lines should keep them quiet. She'd give them lines that would pertain to why they were serving detention. For the Weasley twins, _I will not disrupt the class._ For Miss Granger, _I will answer only when called on._ Now for Potter and the youngest Weasley boy. Hmm… _I will follow the directions given to me._ Simple, but should keep them occupied and quiet.

Reaching her classroom, she walked over to her supply cupboard and pulled out a stack of lined paper and a box of pens. Dolores deposited the pens on her own desk and distributed five pieces of paper to five of the desks in the front row. Scribbling a planned sentence at the top of one of the pages with the name of the intended detention-goer, the woman glanced up at the clock to see what time it was. Nearly three-thirty. The last class would be ending in a few moments. She tossed a pen onto each of the desks hurriedly and stood back to survey her work. It would do.

Finished with her setting up, she hurried up the stairs behind her desk to her office to fetch a stack of papers to work on while she oversaw the detention. Hearing a knock on her classroom door, she came back into the room, dumped the stack on her desk and called for the knocker to come in.

Five teenages filed into the classroom stiffly and sat in the seats marked for them when she gestured at the table. "You will fill the pages on the desk with the lines already written on them. When you finish, and I deem your work satisfactory, you may go. There will be no talking." Dolores walked up to her desk and pulled a paper from her own stack. "You may begin."

* * *

Three months! Three months and Potter was still an incredible disruption in class. He had gotten detention almost every afternoon since the first one, and she was running out of lines to assign. At least the boy was creative with his disruption so she didn't have to keep thinking up different iterations of the same lines.

Just yesterday, he insisted that aliens existed and spent the whole class attempting to connect every major event in history to an alien invasion. Last week, he tried to convince his class that every unsolved murder case in the country during the last twenty years was the handiwork of an imagined serial-killer that went by the name of Voldemort. He even brought source material to prove his point!

This boy was going to drive her insane. She wondered for a moment if the rumors of the curse on the history position had some credence. Perhaps Potter drove the teacher mad every year. She was definitely not prepared for whatever he had planned today.

The woman watched as the class wandered in, just in time for the bell. Most of them brought out their textbooks and notebooks without prompting, used to her teaching by now. Potter just stared at her blankly, not moving, but she let it slide for the time being.

She began to lecture on the Middle Ages, pointing out the many differences between the lifestyle then, and the lifestyle now. The first sign of mischief was shown when Potter raised his hand. He never raised his hand, preferring to just shout out whatever was on his mind.

Dolores turned around slowly to face him. "Yes?"

He smiled. "You forgot to mention the dragons."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Dragons. You know the big flying lizards, knights fought them."

" , dragons are myths. Dragons do not exist."

"Yes they do! Dragons exist and witches exist too!"

She sighed heavily. "And I suppose these witches fly around on broomsticks and brew potions in cauldrons."

"They do." The boys eyes were wide, completely believing in what he was saying.

"And I suppose that magic is real too." He nodded very strongly and she pinched the bridge of her nose. " , magic does not exist. Magic has never been real and will never be real. There are no such things as dragons and witches."

He jumped to his feet and she took a step back in surprise. "They do so! Magic is real!" He shouted.

His movement made her snap. She had had enough of his stupid antics and refused to deal with them any longer. "There is no such thing as magic!" She shouted back. She could hear running in the hall as the door slammed open.

The principal, rushed up to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Come on Dolores, come to the break room to calm down." She was breathing heavily as he guided her to the teachers lounge down the hall and sat her down at one of the tables. "Try to calm down, ok? I'll go and get Poppy."

She felt some relief at the promised presence of the school nurse, but was still furious. Potter just didn't understand! Magic, aliens and made-up serial killers couldn't exist! Especially magic. Dolores had no idea where he had gotten such ideas in his head.

She was feeling a bit dizzy as she pondered her situation. So this was how the other teachers went, she thought, driven mad by Potter and his nonsensical theories.

_Magic_. There was no such thing as magic, after all there was no proof.


End file.
